24: Back When I Wore Polyester Fur for a Living.

If you believe in the magic that is Disney, I warn you, I destroy that fantasy in this chapter.

Me and my friend Pluto, Summer of ‘85.

Just prior to Easter Sunday 1985 my parents pushed me to talk with a well tanned blond haired woman during the Oneg Shabbat after my sister’s Bat Mitzvah. It was an awkward conversation because while I enjoyed meeting this woman, I made it a point to let her know I was leaving for Cairo in a couple of days followed by eight weeks in Greece for a boarding school field trip. We said we would meet again when I got home.

The next conversation we had was at, yep, you guessed it, Congregation Ohev Shalom, but at this point pretty sure it was after a Friday night service. Yes, I admit that there was a point in my life I voluntarily attended temple, for two reasons, most of my friends back then were Jewish and yes, to make my parents “happy” (yes, the adopted ones, I really tried hard to look past the horrors they inflicted in my life).

We struck up a conversation that night. She let it drop that she worked at a theme park and (my words, was a close friend to someone sorta famous). She also told me about how I should think about auditioning for a role in the Zoo Crew. Ironically there was an audition in a of days or a week, this is nearly 40 years ago, so, I’m sorry if I forget exact time line. lol.

I told her I couldn’t dance for crap, learned the box step for my Bar Mitzvah party so I could do that one dance with my mom. Years later, it was just as awkward at my wedding reception.

My new found friend told me how really they didn’t care if you can dance or not. They were looking to see what your reaction to messing up was. Was she so correct!

I showed up to the open audition about ten minutes late because I had absolutely no idea how hard it was going to be to find a parking spot. I was sweaty, frantic, and for some reason, though I can’t dance worth squat was scared of failing. I just remember her advice “SMILE… regardless of making a mistake, smile through it and move on”.

The dance instructor was already running through the routine. Thankfully it was just a few steps over five or so seconds. Not complicated. Done! Even when they rushed through the 30 second routine in what seemed 10 seconds, and yes, I screwed it up multiple times, I kept smiling and yeah, somehow was offered a role in the character dept.

This began one of the most interesting time periods of my life. After paperwork shuffling, and finding out that though they put me through character training, I was actually hired to carry the ballroom scene canopy during the Electrical Light Parade. BUT… they needed people in costumes for the afternoon parade, I had been character trained, so… on with the head.

Some how my paperwork said I was just under 2 meters tall (yes, I have started to type metric because many of my paid subscribers use the metric system, see, it pays to become a PAID subscriber), for my free subscription readers, the paperwork said I was just over 6’ tall, so I got to be quick friends with a very bouncy tiger. However, I was shorter than their usual friends, so yeah, his knees were close to my ankles. Didn’t matter that day because this striped pal of Winnie’s was sitting on a stool playing the drums inside a fiberglass surfing wave (yes, this tiger was wearing a very bright bathing suit) roughly 2 meters off the ground. Come on my educated in the United States readers, I was roughly 6’ off the ground. I HAD A BLAST on that float and just hammed it up. A bit too much.

After the parade the head of our division asked me my height, which is actually 1.78m (5’8”) and then asked me why I was friends with Tigger during the parade. Because you all told me to go be with him?? Papers were shuffled and yes, the head of the entire Entertainment Division was the one to figure out my official height was wrong. But, all that meant is that a hidden dream came true. I would actually be the height to be able to help Pluto out.

You see, had I stayed in the original height range, I would have been stuck helping Tigger, Goofy, and other tall characters. I wanted to help Pluto.

So, not only was I close friends with Pluto, Alice’s friends Tweedle-Dee and Tweedle