21: Who Does the Helper go to When the Helper Needs Help?

This chapter deals with severe loneliness, depression, self harm, and how I cope with it.

At the base of the Great Pyramids of Giza, 1985. Photo: Mark Lepow

For whatever reason, going back to barely being a teenager, I have been the person that others just opened up to. Doesn’t matter where I am, it could be on a street corner waiting for the stick figure to tell me it is safe to cross Broadway in Times Square, I can merely look to my left or right and say hey to someone and as we walk across the street they are telling me their life story. In grade school, kids were telling me things and I guess hoping for my opinion but I usually had no clue what they were asking me about. 

Just last week (ok, I just outed myself, I haven’t been posting as often as I want), while it was looking like Hurricane Milton might be making an appearance near where I live, I was doing some last-minute hunting/gathering at the local grocery store because my step-sister had asked me to pick up some canned pasta for her grandkids. While I was looking at the mini ravioli this woman roughly 3’ from me just blurted out something about how it doesn’t taste the same as when we were kids.

I glanced around in hopes that she was talking to someone else. Had she said anything before that I did not hear her. It was just me and her. I guessed that she might be in her 50s but I suck at age guessing, so who knows. I told her they weren’t for me, she joked about how we all say that. No seriously, I can’t eat this stuff anymore. She told me how she has always had a weight issue, but right now she is down to a size 14 and quite happy with herself. We stood there and chatted for a good 15 minutes or so. Mostly laughing. I started to wonder if she was flirting with me after she told me the ring was fake and she was not seeing anyone.

If she was flirting with me I had missed it up to that point. I started to walk towards the end of the aisle trying to get away from her, but she followed. My inner voice said she might be lonely and at least we weren’t in the produce aisle. As we walked past a couple of aisles I pretended to be one of those old-time elevator guys. I was going “Aisle 2 coffee, teas”, yada yada. She laughed but when she did I felt the need to get out of there. I really wasn’t in the mood to chat. As she was crossing the next aisle I told her it was a pleasure meeting her and that I enjoyed our chat. She turned around and told me she did as well but added “In some weird way, I’m not sure why”. I didn’t have to do much pretending when I said I needed to go to the front of the store to answer a call from nature.

I’m sure if I made one of those substack polls here asking “was that lady flirting with Mark” almost all of you would say yes. Heck, maybe I will make one, so if there is a poll below this paragraph, you know this geez learned a new trick.

But as almost everyone who means anything to me knows, I DO NOT UNDERSTAND SUBLTY. That means if you want me to know something, tell me, don’t hint